Thursday, January 31, 2013

Kidnap Capital World Tour Day Seven
Dazed and Confused in Brunei
Property, Pigs and Women, In That Order

The Southern Highlands of Papua, New Guinea are far away.  I cannot get Alice and Paulo out of my mind.  They represented the yin and yang of my Southern Highlands PNG experience.  Alice had two scars going down each cheekbone, and Paulo showed me the scar on his arm. Alice was attacked in the dining room at Ambua Lodge by her husband, who cut her face with a switch blade.  She had the two scars immortalized with black tattoos, then decided to divorce her husband.  She had to give him back twenty five pigs, down from the thirty one he had given her family to marry her. She was able to get hold of a mother pig and within a few months managed to hand over to her husband enough pigs to get away.  After that she continued to work at the Lodge, and the Canadian manager kept her money in a safe so that her ex-husband couldn't steal it from her. She had a lot of affairs, old men, young men, men from other clans, even white men. Those were good days.  Alice got the idea to buy chickens so that she could sell them and the eggs to make more money. Then it dawned on her that other women could buy chickens and do the same thing to get away from their abusive husbands. There are no NGOs in PNG so Alice is a pioneer.  Paulo was my guide and like Alice, spoke excellent English. He had a seventh grade education which is typical for the Hela province.  He learned his English from tourists.  Paulo said that Alice was too Westernized and was now only worth about three pigs. He showed me the arrow scars on his back and the scar on his right forearm.   He found out his wife had been seeing another man and he told her to leave, so she attacked him with a machete. He said he made her give him back his pigs, and that he would kill any man who tried to steal them.  I asked him how many men he had killed and he said he didn't know.  He shot his arrows into the forest because if you see the face of the man you kill, his ghost will come back to haunt you.  Paulo became flirtatious with me and told me that I should stick around awhile because I was still worth a few pigs.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Kidnap Capital World Tour Day Two
Tropical Storms in Papeete, French Polynesia

We got into Tahiti last night after a long plane ride.  My group is comprised of very prominent high tech, Internet, Government, retail and academic people. We heard a lecture on the plane yesterday called "How I Won the Cold War" and the professor wasn't being facetious.  He was there every step of the way from Kennedy to Gorbachev.  He believes the downfall of the Soviet Union is a good thing because it makes all of us freer.  Some in the group were not buying that.  He made me feel secure so I liked his talk.  Today we go to the Pearl Market and let's see Little Missy resist buying a pearl.  Then we have a lecture called "Captain Jame Cook's Exploration of the Pacific: but Come On!  This is Tahiti and he is no Johnny Depp.  Wrong ocean but right idea.  I am headed for the spa if the tropical storm persists.  One of the older women in the group is reading all three volumes of Fifty Shades of Gray.  I'll bet every publisher in the world wishes they had gotten their hands on that property.  Tomorrow we go to Papua, New Guinea and I will be in the Southern Highlands for three days, so no blog for awhile.  I'll be watching natives make these extraordinary massive human hair wigs.  This part of the trip was picked for me by Stanford as I am into fashion.  That was  very accommodating of them, don't you think?

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Kidnap Capital World Tour Countdown Day One
Learning to Pack Light

Our group has a gala meet and greet dinner tomorrow at the Palo Alto Four Seasons Hotel and even though I live in Palo Alto, I'm staying at the hotel to bond with my fellow travelers!  Then we take off the following day.  I'm trying to figure out what to do with my backpack and my thing you put around your waist.  Maybe I can "leave them" in the hotel and then I won't have to use them.  I found a brand new pair of Giuseppe Zanotti lavender Swarovski crystal sandals at a consignment shop in Menlo Park for half off.  That's better than a backpack, right? My vitamins and sun screen take up a lot of space, too.  I'm also planning to do some reading--War and Peace (just joking).  Are we currently at war with anyone?  They are so busy in DC dancing and listening to Tony Bennett and Lady Gaga that maybe they are distracted.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Kidnap Capital World Tour Countdown Day Eight
In Which Little Missy Gets a Scare from the State Department!
Today is the deadline for us to receive our second passport and visas for Saudi Arabia, Lebanon, Burma and Papua New Guinea.  I have not received any of this stuff and Stanford is getting worried.  I have brought the average age of the trip down to 68, by the way.  I am one of the youngest travelers, if not the youngest traveler in my group.  Obviously a group of distinguished senior citizens.  It's not me, it's the group.  Stanford should get on the stick and get that State Department in line!  Where are my passport and visas?  Where is that cute FedEx guy in the shorts who works my route in the afternoons?  Have I bought all those ugly outdoor clothes in vain?  Oh my, do I need to break into my suggested Travel Medications before the trip even begins?

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Kidnap Capital World Tour Countdown Day 11
L.L. Bean is a fine American company and my go to label for my father every Christmas and birthday.  But does Stanford University really think I'm wearing L.L. Bean on The World Less Traveled tour kicking off on the 24th of this month?  So I went to Ralph Lauren in Palo Alto for the first time in twenty years.  Sting was crooning away "When We Dance" which made me feel lonely, dejected and cynical.  I made my way over to the sale room and found polo shirts with sequined Ralph Lauren polo player emblems.  He sure is making his clothes smaller these days.  I used to get away with size 2.  It's not me, it's Ralph. Then I found some denim shirts and some cool white pants that zip at the ankle to give a boot flair. At the advice of my friend Phoebe, I headed over to North Face.  Not exactly terra firma.  I bought some sunscreen style long sleeved tops and some way ugly pants that zip from long to short.  Enough said.  Then I went to Footwear Etc. on University Avenue.  "I don't want to hold up the others in my group trip around the world, so please find a pair of walking shoes and sandals for me.  You know what I need.  I don't."  The sales lady was terrific.  Five stars for her.  My Chanel gold pedicure looked ridiculous in my ultra comfy ultra ugly Finn Comfort sandals.  When I got home, I pulled out two Rodarte dresses, and a Chanel shirt, blouse and cardigan. Now I'm feeling better.  My ex-boyfriend for a reason Max told me that a few years ago I could get ransomed in some of the places I'm going to for twenty camels, but that now it may be twelve.

Here's my intinerary:
  • Tahiti
  • Papua New Guinea
  • Brunei
  • Burma
  • Saudi Arabia
  • Lebanon
  • Senegal
  • Columbia
  • Cuba
Valentine's Day in Havana at a table for one.  Don't cry for me, Argentina?